To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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