Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
