he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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