guys are not supposed to queef...right?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
