you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
