she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
