Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
