Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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