I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
