Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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