Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
