I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
