she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
