I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
