the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
