Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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