i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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