from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
