the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
