I looked at my own cervix.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
