I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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