2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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