At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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