look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
