THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
