you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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