I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
