Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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