white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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