I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
