kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
