i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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