yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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