3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
