Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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