oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
