He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
