I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How does one acquire holy water?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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