this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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