just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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