I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
