I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
