I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
