im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
