So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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