its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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