I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
