just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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