I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
