Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
