After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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