So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
