how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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