i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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