Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
