____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
