What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
True strength comes from lack of pants
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
