I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
